i hate it when i feel like this.

i hate this. you're making me feel miserable. i don't know what to do anymore.

i don't care if others will judge you if they'll know your past.
i don't really care about that.

but i can't feel your care for me.
your words are the opposite of what you show me.

and that is why i'm hating you.
i just want you to love me in return. i just hope you'll do before i decide to leave you.

"...it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."

"...it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."
Originally uploaded by {J.}

when i saw this photo, there was a certain interest that bugged me.

i don't know why, maybe it's because i have a certain interest for this type of photo colors, too.

it gives me the spark that i suddenly remember some memories.

maybe it's because of the old appearance that makes me reminisce.

me. myself and i (part 2)

now that i am finished writing my rough draft for my library research paper, its time to make a part two. c:

ironically speaking, i hate those people who easily assume thoughts. yea, i know. my friends know that i suffer this disease called "paranoia" of making decisions. but the people that i have mentioned above are those who are called in layman's term as FC, making the term Feeling Close a little short.

so, it's not that i hate them, it's just the fact that sometimes, it is a bit annoying. of course i am open to meet new acquaintances, but the people whom i consider friends are those people who know a bit well compared to others.

i became a bit strict about my circle of friends after i realize that i have made a lot of mistakes before. it is hard for me to actually admit it, but yes, i am a man who easily falls for words.

it is never my intention to hate those people that i have mingled with before i changed. this is only because they are the ones who pushed me to reinvent myself.

me. myself and i

so, maybe it's time to let you know a deeper meaning about who I really am.

of course, I will not state my full name and the things I always do cause I think that idea is too common.

perhaps, letting you know the real person will be better.


I am a kid, yea, I know, I am already in college, but still, I consider myself as a kid. maybe it's because, me, myself, is quite not ready to mature the whole stuff about me.

it's quite ironic though that some people tell me I am a matured thinker for my age, especially when we talk about personal stuff, religion topics, a little politics, and how I live my life.

I never really intended to do that. why? because I can't really imagine myself as a matured person in the near future. maybe when I turn 18 then I will be. but for now, my virtues will be the only things in my life that i will conclude matured.

I am not the typical type of person who wants to please everyone. I don't like that childish act and "pa-cute" personality cause that really sucks for me. I hate people who are acting less for their age. it is not suitable for them anymore, especially those who are already turning 21, an approximation will be from the batches '05 or '04? (apologies to those who are affected by this statement, but I know you know who this line is really for. ok? XD)

I hate it when I feel that my mind speaks of about maturity links, like my last statement. so let me just shift to another characteristic.

I am a person of my own.
a Computer Science student, maybe one of those who are confused why we are in this course, even though we are not really that interested about computers. that is also a reason why people usually give a wrong impression about me that I am taking a "speech-centered" program, like in UPLB, that will be DEVCOM or COM ARTS, but in reverse, I'm liking it when someone states that. LOL.

to be continued...

2009

it will be ironic if i say that i am not excited about the upcoming things that will cross my life this year. Tough it is kind of frustrating for me cause 2008 was not that bad, yet not so good. Flunking grade in one of my hardest subjects ever, became sick badly that i was not able to attend my favorite class. But at least, there were also good stuff that happened. I was able to pass my other subjects, I was able to get Political Science as one of my GE courses this semester, I was able to sing Crush in my close friend's debut (haha, yey!), and I found a new crush... LOL.

Most of my time were devoted to nothing, perhaps, thinking deeply about senseless stuff and issues about my complicated stage. But as of today, I may say that I am in the state of cold turkey. Haha, I am no drug addict, err, addiction with sending lots of messages daily is done, for the moment.

So, what maybe in store for me this 2009? No one knows, but I have plans though. I just wish I can achieve these things in the end of this year.

First, I would want to grow taller. Haha, I don't know, I was never satisfied with 5'4". Maybe when I reach the height of 5'11", maybe I will be contented. XD
And, perhaps, I would like to gain weight, too. LOL.

Next, my professor told us that we should not include this cause this is already given, but still, I do not want to fail any other succeeding subjects, one is enough, hahaha!

What else... err...

I have decided to seriously accept my mom's offer about home school stuff. I don't know, maybe, it is the right choice, that it may soon lead me to a better future. hahaha.

But the thing that I want to achieve or to have at the end of the year is a JOB. I'm not that ready perhaps, but I will do my best to have one, seriously.

<<<.................................... see, i'm serious. LOL.

So, yes, maybe that is all for now. But I have more, I will think of those things after I do the LRP thing for English2, LOL. No one knows what will happen, but still we have the power to decide, right?

After this week, maybe I will be able to tell you stuff about my Christmas Break, and that is a promise, PROMISE! XD

When I was a child, my attention in reading books seemed to be short. But as I grow up, (not literally grow up because I am not that tall, sigh), I realized something. That in reading books, it should catch my interests and attention first.

But as time passes, several books gave me that catchy aura. So I can declare that I am no "bookworm." LOL.

The most memorable book that I have ever read, so far, was the book entitled

"The Catcher in the Rye"

I really don't know why, but this book gave me that certain interest and a different perception about, err, life, perhaps?

J. D. Salinger wrote the book in a certain way that it becomes so inviting, despite those curses that he mentioned, still it is so pleasant to read.

It is a different type of story, it is the one which not everyone can relate to, but still it is accepted by lots of readers.

I am still waiting for its movie adaption. It seemed that it is still in jeopardy, but I still hope that there will be one even if it is in the far future.

You care too much about me.
Yea, you're killing me.
LOL.

It's quite ironic when I remember these lines which I have heard from somewhere.
They caught me and I really don't know why.
I can never tell anyone why I was affected by this, cause, I can hardly explain it myself, too.

Since last week, I wasn't able to get enough sleep. It's as if I really need to get a lot of doze of sleeping pills. But I enjoy sleeping late at night, err, I mean, early in the morning, though.

But I don't know, maybe I need to get enough sleep this weekend. I wonder if I can do that.

'Nuff for now. Ciao!